Hot from the Slavoj Zizek Masturbatorium

M A Jones mark at
Sat Dec 18 13:02:09 MST 1999


"Hoy, Dudes!!!!

Moy naim, iss Slavoj. I yam from big seeti, Belhgrad, you know? But now I hit BIG
TAIM!!! Lekchurs!!! Gurls!!! Big pisstake of gobbliguk in New York Reviw of Buks,
big seminars in Oxford, Englund in big lekchur halls where gurls sittin wiv
legs akimbo, moufs agape, men, you wooden beleev!!! So fuckin EASY to score,

And not only LEKCHURS!!! Naow I yam to Hollyvut for Big taim PICTURE!!! Bruce
WILLIS goin to star in BIOPIC of OLE SLAVOJ, mi kamerardie!!!! This big SEKRET I
tell just to YOU!!! For your eyess ONLY, me leetle frend, you know why I konfaid
in you thiss way? Kos you leetle tiny helpless bug-eyed email freak, need a leetle
help in your life or a jerkoff anyway,.

But first dere frend, I kees you and I tell you leetle somefink about life of

I born unt bred in old Belhgrad.

Iss verra beeg seeti, lotov nais gurls. I yam teksi-draiverr in Belhgrad. I ken do
for you, WHATEVER!!! WHATEVER!!! you laik!

 Slavoj can fiks it!!!!

Nait-kloob, gurls, bit of snort, bitov smak, whatever, Slavoj fiksit. Kak we saiy,
No Problemo. Slavoj fiks everfink. Lotov sisters, big femili, me. And that's not
ALL!!! Know wjat? We heckers in Belhgrad, we fiks the Net damn gut, during
leetl Kosovo misunderstanding we get Yanks to piss on Chinkie embassy real
good, we give Madeleine Albright big mustache on Foggy Bottom website,
we do anyfink Slobo want, cash transfer thru Bank of New York, we Belhgrad
heckers fiksit real gut, no fiks, no fee, get results. Now Chinese Peepl's
Republic gonna give $300 million to Slobo! Not bad!! Yeah!!!

So now we all famous dudes on Net!!!

Now like I say,  I yam even verry famous BIG guy in Hollyvut!! I get
Stephan Shpeelburg here, want to make nais film of Slavoj, I got nais retainer,
ten percent of action know what I mean??? And why? Why little Slavoj get alla
dis big pee-err?? Nuts about the NET!!! That's why! I run thees webpage,
I sign webpage SLAVOJ KISS YOU!!! unt you know WJAT???

You wooden BELIEVE, number of gurls who apply!!! Like I mean,, MILLIONS of gurls,
tasty, tender, just-basted, not so basted, whatevr, apply to Slavoj for
satisfaction, BIG KISSING unt no guilt, thassa main think!!! Nais leetle
Europeans, Japanese slitty-eyed gurls, Californian CHICKS (Wow, man!) unt wjat I
gotta do??? THEN AGAIN, RUSSIAN chiks!!!!! Wow, check eet out, men!!! Juss show
the gurls little bit Belhgrad NAITLIFE, leetle bit GREEK coffee, nais Apollonian
brandy, and BUM-BUM!!! Give them little talk-talk, Linguaphone style, big TONGUE,
we talk UNTITTED NATIONS, we talk FILOSOPHIA, endocrinology, postmodernism, stuff
like that, then we drive around leetle bit, inspect big linden trees, press years
to bark, listen to sap rising, smell scent of nostalgic linden blossoms and
BINGO!!! Again BOOM-BOOM!!! know what I mean???? Talk a leetle bit more filosophia
(all Yugoslav teksi-driverss pass spercial state EXAMEN na filosophie, all hev to
read little HEIDEGGER,  leetyl GEGEL, leetl SCHOPEHNAUER,  all that kinda stuff,
than agin BINGO!!! leetl bit KANT!!! Me, Slavoj, I bin studying KANT all my life,
know what I mean!!! I got so much time put in chekking out leetl bit Kraut
ding-an-sich here, leetl bit Yankee Kant there, ili Japanese Kant, post-kant,
whatever, all saim think, hear creaking of KNICKER-ELASTIC one more time,
ekshully, more CREAKING if MORE SYLLABLES PER WORD -- this
main lessom wjat I hev learnt, mi kamaradies, learn leetle bit howe to score
from OLD SLAVOJ!!! Talk more, fuck more!!

This main lessun of pomo lekchur circuit, men. Old Slavoj, he very
experienced TEKSI draiverr, teach you sometink SPERCIAL, men!!! even
post-propter-kant, (snachet, nazivayetsa, "sodomy" na angliskum, ie.,
epistemological subyekt exist prior to big dark obyekt boring into same from
behind, sneeki Berkeleyan surpise attack, but complate FAILURE know what I
mean!!!! Subyekt totally AWARE of same OBYEKT and NOT BLEIVE it is only
fantasmagoric product of leetl serbian grey cells working owvertaim -- But also at
same time kompleet SUKSESS! Because by time SUBYEKT conscious again, whole think

OK, iss enuf for now, mi kameradie. LISSEN UP Dudes!!! Slavoj gonna give big
LEKCHUR about CHAIRMAN MAO, you know why? Kos chairman Mao, he a big
pomo thinker before his taim, fuck thousands of dinky chinkies by means of
THOUGHTS which reduce all to silence of lowest common denominator of
IDENTITY politics which Chairman, Mao, he into in BEEG way.

Another thing: if you gonna add lotta syllables to words, gotta also make like
each sentence into one BIG FUCKIN PARAGRAPH and then LEAVE OUT
PREDICATE or main verb anyway. This get them all to thinking you
leetle bit genius too, know what I mean????

Your pel


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