An IPO for marxmail.org?
lnp3 at SPAMpanix.com
Tue May 9 08:54:08 MDT 2000
New York Times Op-Ed, May 9, 2000
The Nonprofit Motive
By ANDY BOROWITZ
Having been burned in recent weeks by the dot-coms, Wall Street insiders
are turning an increasingly bullish eye to a new, white-hot market sector:
At first blush, Wall Street's mad rush to invest in nonprofit organizations
seems counterintuitive, but market gurus believe that the dot-orgs provide
something the dot-coms cannot: predictability.
"The dot-com companies promise huge profits but wind up hemorrhaging cash,"
said Ivan Z., a senior dot-org analyst. "The nonprofit organizations
promise no profits and consistently deliver on that promise."
He added that, unlike the dot-coms, dot-orgs are not the subject of nagging
questions about earnings. "If people ask when the dot-orgs will turn a
profit, there's a simple answer: when pigs fly.
Going forward, we expect the dot-orgs to rack up an impressive string of
zeroes for some time to come."
In a surprising chorus of unanimity, Main Street seems to be agreeing with
Wall Street, as investors rush to gobble up the suddenly sexy dot-orgs.
Buster H., a full-time day trader has dumped his shares of priceline.com
and is loading up on stocks like audubon.org and sierraclub.org. "With
dot-coms, I used to lose sleep worrying about bad earnings reports," he
told a reporter at the Dot-Org Market Site in Times Square, where investors
huddled to track the performance of today's hot I.P.O., savethewhales.org.
"Dot-orgs may earn nothing, but when you've lost as much money as I have,
nothing starts to look like something."
While some naysayers warn of a coming dot-org bubble, Ivan Z. shrugs off
this doom-and-gloom scenario.
"I've put out a strong buy rating on both pbs.org and npr.org," he said.
"These two are a sure bet never to turn a profit, plus, you get a mug."
[Andy Borowitz is the author of ``The Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy
Investor's Guide to Day Trading.'' ]
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