Broken News: Cuba Repeals Laws of Physics

Jose G. Perez jgperez at
Thu Apr 5 10:14:10 MDT 2001

By Gus Anorojo

    (DP)--In what is being noted as another example of Cuban perfidy, the
island's Communist government appears to have repealed the laws of physics,
Dissociated Press has learned.

    The develoment came to light in an article published in the Sunday
Orland Sun Sentinnel, headlined, "An independent persona non grata."

    The article is about Raul Rivero, one of the Cuban "independent"
journalists, as opposition activists are often called in the American press.
The Sun Sentinnel reports:

    "Rivero said he is heartened by the growing  number of foreign media
allowed to work on the island, including the Sun-Sentinel, which opened a
Havana bureau earlier this year.

    "However, he considers it a partial victory considering the vast
majority of Cubans here have no access to news reports published abroad...."

    This is new and extremely significant, although both the Sun Sentinnel
and the independent journalist missed the story.

    It is, of course, that Cubans no longer have access to news from abroad.

    Previously, South Florida radio stations came booming into Cuba all over
the AM band. You put fifty or a hundred thousands watts into a radio tower
in Miami or the Florida Keys, and that's just what happens, especially once
the sun sets. Thus for four decades Cubans in Cuba were among those able to
have two sides to any story, the version reported in Cuba, and the version
being put out in Miami.

    Now that has stopped, if the Sun Sentinnel is to be believed. And, of
course, American newspapers never, ever lie.

    So far there are no details on how Cuban scientists have transformed
Cuba into an electromagnetic black hole.

    But there is much speculation that Cuba has opened a so-called wormhole
in the space-time continuum, and is sending the transmissions back into the
1960s "where they belong" as one source put it.

    "It's not like anyone could tell the difference between what is being
broadcast in Miami today and what was being put out then," the source said.

    In Washington, there were hurried consultations between those in charge
of foreign relations, military preparedness, national security, and the
overall policy of the administration.

    After Colin Powell finished meeting with himself, a dark-skinned
high-ranking administration source who asked not to be identified briefed
reporters. He lashed out at rumors of a socalled "wormhole gap," reminiscent
of the "Bomber" and "Missile" gaps of the Eisenhower and Kennedy years.

    "There is no wormhole gap," the four-star general occupying one of the
top cabinet posts, who asked to remain anonymous said. "The United States
has more worms and therefore wormhole production potential that any other
country, bar none."

    The son of Jamaican immigrants who became a military hero by massacring
untold thousands of Iraquis without ever leaving the comfort of an air
conditioned office, and who insisted he not be named, pointed to Miami as
the worm capital of the western hemisphere, if not the world, having
attracted the biggest worms from Cuba and subsequently from many other Latin
American countries, most recently Venezuela.

    Informed about the situation with the radio transmissions, the chief
Administration spokesman, who asked to remain anonymous, said, "That's why
we need my tax cut. With lower taxes, production would increase, and we
could sell Cuba radios and transmissions and make a killing. Even --why
not-- cars complete with radios AND transmissions."

    Told that this would be illegal under the current U.S. economic
blockade, the son of a former President, who spoke to reporters on condition
he not be identified, said, "Blockade? Why didn't they tell me. Daddy's
friends are ALWAYS playing tricks on me," and threw himself on the floor,
arms and legs flailing in a tantrum.

    The Cuban repeal of the laws of physics follows closely an American
attempt to repeal the laws of economics. Last year, the U.S. decided that
money due Cuba for long-distance telephpone calls should instead be raffled
off by Miami juries and judges. That attempt failed, however, when Cuba
pulled the plug on the non-paying American telephone companies.

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