[Fwd: Axis of Evil]

Richard Fidler rfidler at cyberus.ca
Tue Feb 5 07:57:08 MST 2002

  "In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil"   --
N.Y.Times, 1/30/02


  Sudan, Serbia Form "Axis of Somewhat Evil";   Other Nations Start Own

  BEIJING: (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in
the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed
the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that
stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of
the Union address.

  Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...
in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows
we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."

  Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

  "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three.
And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked. Cool."

  THE AXIS PANDEMIC   International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere,
peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a
game of geopolitical chairs. Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis
of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the
Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established
the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

  With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while
Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really, just
something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack

  While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in
"Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile,
insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said
that's only because no one asked them.

  Copyright + 2002, SatireWire.

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