Axis of Evil]
Jose G. Perez
jgperez at netzero.net
Thu Feb 7 00:05:51 MST 2002
>> BEIJING: (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in
the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed
the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that
stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of
the Union address.
>> Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...
in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows
we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."<<
I'm afraid my old friend Dick Fidler has allowed himself to be hoodwinked by
the combined forces of American Imperalism and a grave shortage of humor.
In fact, long before Mr. Bush's "evil" announcement, that market had been
cornered by the (new) Prince of Darkness himself.
Herewith the original story, retrieved after an exhausting Google search
made all the more tedious by my Micrsoft keyboard's tendency to type
something other than what I intended. For some reason, it just refused to
type the string "microsoft evil" into the search field. Even when the
spelling was correct, Internet Explorer would just respond "illegal search.
Look for something else." This was followed by an autopopup post to the
alt.2600.cardz newsgroup with my personal information and several numbers I
evetually recognized as my checking and credit card accounts.
Fortunately with cut and paste I was able to input the string into Opera's
built-in google search field. This was the content of the first item in
response to the query:
* * *
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Redmond, WA - Microsoft in a recent all cash deal has purchased evil from
Satan for $2.7 billion. "We've been after Satan for some time," said CEO
Steve Ballmer. "Negotiations were tough but I think both Microsoft and the
Prince of Darkness are happy with this deal."
Before the purchase, Microsoft already had 15% of the evil market, now that
number is closer to 100%. The Department of Justice has voiced concerns
over one corporation controlling so much evil, and has begun investigations
into the deal.
"We feel that there are real opportunities with evil, and that when evil is
integrated it into our next generation of Windows products consumers will
appreciate evil on their desktop," said Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates.
"Businesses haven't been able to fully realize their evil potential. With
evil integrated into Office 2001, corporations big and small will begin to
see enhanced evil productivity."
"Evil is a real growing market," market strategist Frank Dresgan of Merrill
Lynch said today. "Microsoft is a little late in the game, but even when
they enter a market late they still tend to dominate. I think we'll see the
same with evil."
"I've been dealing with Microsoft for some time," Lucifer said. "I've been
at this evil thing for millions of years, and wanted a way out. I considered
an IPO, but then Steve-O and Billy came along and told me about their "Evil
Everywhere" plan and that was an offer I couldn't refuse."
Evil was founded by Satan close to the beginning of time. It has been
growing steadily ever since, although most of the growth has come in the
past five years with the development of the internet. Satan plans to retire
to a small island in the Bahamas and write a column for the local newpaper.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Richard Fidler" <rfidler at cyberus.ca>
To: "Marxism list" <marxism at lists.panix.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 05, 2002 9:57 AM
Subject: [Fwd: Axis of Evil]
"In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil" --
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