Monty Python on "Bombing for Peace"

John Cox hazel_motes52 at
Wed Feb 20 04:37:58 MST 2002

Monty Python on "Bombing for Peace"
OK, George, make with the friendly bombs

Terry Jones
Sunday February 17, 2002
The Observer
< 0,6903,651594,00.html story comment

To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such
an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has
thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK
had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we
wouldn't be in the mess we are in today.

The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand,
the Government should have declared its own War on
Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the
Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused
to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt
- we could have told them that this was no time for
prevarication and that they must hand over not only
Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they
tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who
were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't
go around wearing identity badges, we would have been
free to send in the bombers.

It is well known that the best way of picking out
terrorists is to fly 30,000ft above the capital city of
any state that harbours them and drop bombs -
preferably cluster bombs. It is conceivable that the
bombing of Dublin might have provoked some sort of
protest, even if just from James Joyce fans, and there
is at least some likelihood of increased anti-British
sentiment in what remained of the city and thus a rise
in the numbers of potential terrorists. But this, in
itself, would have justified the tactic of bombing them
in the first place. We would have nipped them in the
bud, so to speak. I hope you follow the argument.

Having bombed Dublin and, perhaps, a few IRA training
bogs in Tipperary, we could not have afforded to be
complacent. We would have had to turn our attention to
those states which had supported and funded the IRA
terrorists through all these years. The main provider
of funds was, of course, the USA, and this would have
posed us with a bit of a problem. Where to bomb in
America? It's a big place and it's by no means certain
that a small country like the UK could afford enough
bombs to do the whole job. It's going to cost the US
billions to bomb Iraq and a lot of that is empty
countryside. America, on the other hand, provides a
bewildering number of targets.

Should we have bombed Washington, where the policies
were formed? Or should we have concentrated on places
where Irishmen are known to lurk, like New York, Boston
and Philadelphia? We could have bombed any police
station and fire station in most major urban centres,
secure in the knowledge that we would be taking out
significant numbers of IRA sympathisers. On St
Patrick's Day, we could have bombed Fifth Avenue and
scored a bull's-eye.

In those American cities we couldn't afford to bomb, we
could have rounded up American citizens with Irish
names, put bags over their heads and flown them in
chains to Guernsey or Rockall, where we could have
given them food packets marked 'My Kind of Meal' and
exposed them to the elements with a clear conscience.

The same goes for Australia. There are thousands of
people in Sydney and Melbourne alone who have actively
supported Irish republicanism by sending money and good
wishes back to people in the Republic, many of whom are
known to be IRA members and sympathisers. A well-placed
bomb or two Down Under could have taken out the
ringleaders and left the world a safer place. Of
course, it goes without saying that we would also have
had to bomb various parts of London such as Camden
Town, Lewisham and bits of Hammersmith and we should
certainly have had to obliterate, if not the whole of
Liverpool, at least the Scotland Road area.

And that would be it really, as far as exterminating
the IRA and its supporters. Easy. The War on Terrorism
provides a solution so uncomplicated, so
straightforward and so gloriously simple that it
baffles me why it has taken a man with the brains of
George W. Bush to think of it.

So, sock it to Iraq, George. Let's make the world a
safer place.

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