Questionable Cuba

Chris Brady cdbrady at
Tue Jul 22 03:17:50 MDT 2003

"...everyone knows there are no doctors or clinics in Cuba, or schools
and universities, and all those U.N. statistics are just made up by a
couple of Basque
terrorists who are passing for Irish in the British solidarity


Now I KNOW there's a conspiracy!

By the way, Fidel will be the Admiral of Honor at the next Cuban Cup
Yacht Race to set off from H'vana Harbor.  The winner will be the first
boat shot out of the water at Gitmo.  Ricardo Alarcon will present the
Kim Philby Memorial Trophy, posthumously and with full military honors
at a dirge and martyr celebration in Santiago.  Afterwards there will be
finger sandwiches (guess which finger?) and heavily spiked rum punch
with entertainment provided by a Polo game between the royal Red princes
and the international socialist dukes.  Only the best Peruvian pink
flake cocaine will be provided gratis to all invited.

What a week for Cuba!  The festivities will wind up with that wonderful
and exciting annual event, the Partido Comunista de Cuba Karl Marx and
Fred Engels Classic Golf Invitational.  The winner will be allowed to
pick any Cuban citizen he, or she, wishes to have sex with.  (That's the
beautiful thing about socialismo: Unlike the US Masters [sic] woman are
allowed to join the men in play).  Participants are reminded that the
tipping rate in Cuba is fifteen percent for ordinary citizens and 50%
for Party members or government functionaries, unless, as Jose reminded
us, Cuban kiddee suasages are on the menu, whereupon a warm and hearty
handshake is suggested for the children's next of kin.

Tourist warning:  Be vary careful of Cuban cops; they like to shoot
first and ask questions later.  They are easy to spot.  Their Darth
Vader style helmets are adorned with the terrifying yet all-too-familiar
insignia of a skull  superimposed over a hammer and sickle.  Reliable
sources hint that their numbers actually excede the natioanl
population.  At every intersection they congregate, one on each of the
four corners, carrying RPGs and AKs, and wearing their distinctive
mirrored aviator sunglasses, surrounded by heaps of dead and dying
suspected traitors.  But communist polo players, yachstmen and golfers
can rest assured that their security is guaranteed by the brave state
security apparat (don't forget that tip!)

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