Backchat from Woody Allen in The New Yorker summer edition

Jurriaan Bendien bendien at
Tue Jul 29 12:47:38 MDT 2003

"What I do know about physics is that, to a man standing on the shore, time
passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat
is with his wife. The latest miracle in physics is string theory, which has
been heralded as a T.O.E., or "Theory of Everything". (...) And so I
approached Miss Kelly's gravitational field, and could feel my strings
vibrating. (...) "I am sorry", she said, "I was about to order some coffee
and Danish, but now I can't seem to remember the Schroedinger equation.
Isn't that silly ? It just slipped my mind." "Evolution of probability
waves", I said. "And if you're ordering, I'll love an English muffin with
muons and tea." "My pleasure", she said, smiling coquettishly, and curling
up into a Calabi-Yau shape. I could feel my coupling constant invade her
weak field, as I pressed my lips to het wet neutrinos. Apparently I achieved
some kind of fission, because the next thing I knew I was picking myself up
off the floor, with a mouse on my eye the size of a supernova. I guess
physics can explain everything except the softer sex, although I told my
wife I got the shiner, because the universe was contracting, not expanding,
and I just wasn't paying enough attention."

From: "Strung Out", by Woody Allen, The New Yorker, 28 July, 2003, p. 96
(some punktuation added).

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