Calvin Trillin questions for Bush

Louis Proyect lnp3 at panix.com
Mon Nov 10 07:52:01 MST 2003


QUESTIONS FOR PRESIDENT BUSH’S NEXT PRESS CONFERENCE
by CALVIN TRILLIN
New Yorker Magazine, Issue of 2003-11-17

Friendly question: “Sir, although your supporters’ predictions that 
Iraqis would greet our troops with flowers haven’t been borne out, isn’t 
it possible that, given the problems with the water supply and the 
infrastructure in general, there is a serious shortage of flowers over 
there and that Iraqis might be greeting our troops with flowers if 
Iraqis had any flowers?”

Follow-up question to friendly question: “Mr. President, in your budget 
for the reconstruction of Iraq, is there any money specifically 
earmarked for rebuilding the Iraqi cut-flower industry, and, if so, 
would any American company be able to bid on that contract, or would 
they have to go through your friend Joe Allbaugh’s consulting firm?”

Zen question: “Sir, if the ability of the Star Wars ABMs to hit a 
nuclear missile is imaginary and the nuclear missiles in Iraq are 
imaginary, does that mean a Star Wars ABM could hit an Iraqi nuclear 
missile?”

Follow-up question to Zen question if answer is yes:“How could that be 
verified?”

Follow-up question to Zen question if answer is no:“Would you consider 
that justification for having gone to war against Iraq?”

Strategic-planning question: “Sir, now that you’ve acknowledged that 
there was never any evidence of Iraqi involvement in the September 11th 
attacks by Al Qaeda, does it remain your policy that in the event of any 
future Al Qaeda attack against this country we would still retaliate 
against Iraq, and, if so, how would you avoid hitting our own troops?”

Follow-up question to strategic-planning question:“If not, then did you 
have some other country in mind to retaliate against?”

Coalition question: “Is Bulgaria still part of the coalition, and, if 
so, what have they done for us lately?”

Follow-up question depending on answer to coalition question: “Would you 
encourage the American people to drink more Bulgarian wine?”

Follow-up question depending on answer to coalition question: “Would you 
encourage the American people to boycott Bulgarian wines, and, if so, do 
you know of any French wines that might make a good substitute?”

Second Zen question: “If, as you’ve said, Mr. President, the interim 
report stating that no weapons of mass destruction have been found in 
Iraq justifies our having gone to war to remove weapons of mass 
destruction, what would a report stating that weapons of mass 
destruction have been found in Iraq justify, if you know?”

Alternative to friendly question: “Sir, do you think that the flowers 
with which your Administration said Iraqis would greet our troops will 
ever be found?”

Follow-up to alternative to friendly question if answer is yes: “Then 
would that justify having gone to war with Iraq?”

Follow-up to alternative to friendly question if answer is no:“Then 
would that justify having gone to war with Iraq?”

Somewhat off-the-wall question: “Speaking of Iraq and Al Qaeda, sir, do 
you think it’s fair that Arabs don’t have to use a ‘u’ after a ‘q’?”

Follow-up to somewhat off-the-wall question if answer is no:“Then would 
that justify having gone to war with Iraq?”


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