[Marxism] From the surrealist department: how to win the war

Jurriaan Bendien andromeda246 at hetnet.nl
Sun May 9 15:43:38 MDT 2004

When facts, logic and moral consistency fail you in your pro-war argument,
just follow these handy steps. Now supporting a war can be as easy as 1, 2,
3 - and you don't even have to make a lick of sense!

Tactic #1: Use the word "American" a lot.

This is a great starter because it is so flexible. You can use it to
identify yourself ("as an American, I stand by my beliefs") or others who
think the way you do ("Americans everywhere support this war"). (...)

Tactic #2: Call 'em "traitors."

(...) "Traitor" is surely the best one out there, because it scares the
living daylights out of people who are against the war. They get all
sensitive and have to spend 40 minutes tossing out proclamations of their
loyalty to the country and their love for America and stuff like that. (...)

Tactic #3: Call 'em "flag-burners."

Another flexible one: you can use this taunt in the form of a noun ("you're
all just flag-burners"), verb ("yeah, well you just go ahead and burn a flag
and stomp your feet...") or modifier ("you and your flag-burning friends can
all go to hell"). Don't worry yourself with the detail that the vast
majority of anti-war protesters never so much as smoke near a flag. Truth
doesn't matter here - just smear 'em while they're down. (...)

Tactic #4: Refer to Somebody in the Military Giving Their Life

If you've been in the military yourself, refer to yourself. If you haven't,
mention your dad, or uncle, or great granddad. If nobody in your family has
a military background, you can lie and make somebody up. Better yet, refer
to everybody who is or has ever been in uniform ("Generations of fighting
men and women"; "our boys in uniform"). (...)

Tactic #5: Call them Whiners

Complain, complain, complain! That's all these annoying "dissenters" ever
seem to do! Well, call it like you see it and call them "whiners." While
you're at it in this constructive criticism, it might also help to point out
that the Red Cross is just "whining" when it reminds the international
community that the U.S. is blocking humanitarian shipments. Another set of
"whiners" you might want to talk about are the families of the residents of
Afghanistan who've been killed in U.S. bombing raids. What do they expect
for being born in the wrong country, a medal?

Tactic #6: Bring God into It

You know you have a direct connection to the Almighty Ruler of the Universe;
share this knowledge with your opponent. After checking with God to make
sure you've got it right, let them know that God supports this war, that we
are "one nation under God" so they'd better get with the program, or that
they should pray to God for American success in the war against those
godless people (well, not the real God, anyway). Sing "God Bless America"
with a hearty voice. Better yet, quote the Bible - no, don't actually look
up any Bible verse or anything; that would take time and care. Just remind
your opponent that God set up that whole "Eye for an Eye" moral code
thingamabob. Someone will bring up Jesus; they always do. (...) Don't let
this stop you. Just point out that Jesus was a commie, so who cares what he
said anyway. Besides, he probably didn't really mean it. This brings us to
our next tactic...

Tactic #7: Call Your Opponent "Socialist"

A favorite of mine. We have a few nouns in our society that everyone knows
refers to someone bad, even if they have a hard time pinning down just why.
"Socialist" (along with "liberal," "atheist" and "hippie") is one of them.
So use that word, my friend! (...)

Tactic #8: Threaten Your Opponent With Violence

A popular choice of threats these days on the net seems to be tarring and
feathering, a nice painful torture that leaves the victim conscious enough
to feel pain. Other great threats if you aren't feeling so mainstream:
kicking your opponent in the groin, shooting them in the head, or drawing
and quartering them. If your target accuses you of being unnecessarily
violent, retort with "hey, I was just kidding, you whiner," and then
threaten them again. Now, every once in a while a stubborn anti-war activist
will just refuse to be cowed by your name-calling, jingoism, religious
rhetoric and threats. In these cases, you might want to try...

Tactic #9: Knock Your Opponent Upside the Head

You're on the right side! This means you can use whatever means you see fit
to get your point across. So slap that activist silly! Try a kick while
you're at it. Eventually, your opponent will fall unconscious - at that
point, every one of your scintillating observations about the need for war
can be offered without the annoying criticisms those "free speechers" seem
so obsessed with providing. Since you are now the last one standing, you can
rest assured that you must be right. Now I bet some of you are thinking
"now, you can't just slap people around!" or "that's a bit much, isn't it?"
or "it's not right to engage in acts of violence against somebody who hasn't
done anything to you!" or something like that. But hey, then aren't you
missing the point just an eensy, teensy bit?

Complete text at: http://irregulartimes.com/howtowin.html

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