[Marxism] Fwd: Actual Tower-Aircraft Transmissions (From Jim Craven)

Louis Proyect lnp3 at panix.com
Wed Mar 2 10:51:47 MST 2005

>Control Tower to Pilot
>The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and 
>control towers around the world. Remember that the conversations are heard 
>by all pilots on that frequency in that area.
>Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: 
>"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Centre, we are at 
>35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever 
>heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
> From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm 
> f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, 
> identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing 
> bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a 
>Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've 
>always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
>A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting 
>to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your  last known 
>position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll 
>out  after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard 
>right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, 
>take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and 
>return to the airport."
>There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing 
>because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air 
>Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind 
>a  B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, 
>"The dreaded seven-engine approach."
>Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and 
>returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A 
>concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the 
>problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," 
>explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
>A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the 
>following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance 
>time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in 
>English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German 
>airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from 
>another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the 
>bloody war."
>Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 
>124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the 
>way, after  we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end 
>of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind 
>Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that 
>report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for 
>takeoff, roger; and yes, we  copied Eastern... we've already notified our 
>One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short 
>of  the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, 
>turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted 
>comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What  a cute little 
>plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to 
>let the insult go by, came back with a real  zinger: "I made it out of 
>DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for 
>another one."
>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a 
>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking 
>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was 
>with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following 
>exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call 
>sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of 
>active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The 
>PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: 
>"Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand 
>by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite 
>arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been  to Frankfurt 
>before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- 
>And I didn't land."
>While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight 
>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with 
>a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air 
>crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you 
>to turn right onto  Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right 
>there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and 
>D, but get it right!"  Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she 
>was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! 
>It'll take forever to  sort this out! You stay right there and don't move 
>till I tell you to! You > can expect progressive taxi instructions in 
>about half an hour, and I want  you to go exactly where I tell you, when I 
>tell you, and how I tell you!  You got that, US Air 2771?"  "Yes, ma'am," 
>the humbled crew responded.  Naturally, the ground control communications 
>frequency fell terribly silent  after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. 
>Nobody wanted to chance engaging  the irate ground controller in her 
>current state of mind. Tension in every  cockpit out around Gatwick was 
>definitely running high.  Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and 
>keyed his microphone,  asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
>James M. Craven
>Blackfoot Name: Omahkohkiaayo-i'poyi
>Professor/Consultant,Economics;Business Division Chair
>Clark College, 1800 E. McLoughlin Blvd.
>Vancouver, WA. USA 98663
>Tel: (360) 992-2283; Fax: (360) 992-2863
>"The people who cast the votes decide nothing.
>The people who count the votes decide everything."
>Josef Stalin
>Employer has no association with private/protected opinion



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