[Marxism] Fwd: Israel, you rascals – Mark Steel
lnp3 at panix.com
Sun Aug 3 18:37:49 MDT 2014
Israel, you rascals
In recent years most of humanity has become proudly more tolerant of
groups who once seemed to be on the margins of society. But until now
it’s still been seen as acceptable to be offensive about one minority,
which is the child murdering community.
At last it seems the mood is changing, and finally we’re beginning to
hear the child murderers’ point of view.
For example one brave soul, prepared to speak out, is spokesman Uri
Drome, who explained on Radio 4 yesterday that although the Israeli
government bombed a school that several children died in, the deaths are
clearly the fault of the people who live in the areas being bombed.
What a refreshing change from that tired old thinking that always blames
murder on the murderer.
Mister Drome, once a spokesman for the Israeli government said the
Israelis were “lured into a trap, now Hamas sheds crocodile tears about
If only more of us understood bombed schools in this way. We always rush
to judge some poor kid in an American town who mows down his classmates,
without even pausing to consider the dead kids probably tricked him into
it, and now to make it worse their parents are all pretending to cry.
Even more imaginative was Michael Oren, ex-Israeli ambassador In
Washington, on Channel 4 News. He explained that Hamas was to blame for
all this death, because “They are booby-trapping toasters and fridges in
It goes to show you should never make up your mind too quickly. Many of
us see pictures of buildings reduced to rubble with a bomb sticking out,
and hastily conclude the bomb had something to do with the explosion.
But look carefully and it becomes obvious the cause was the silly sods
have blown themselves up with an exploding toaster.
I bet if we went back to Hiroshima and checked what happened more
thoroughly, we’d discover the blast was nothing to do with an atom bomb,
and was caused by a booby-trapped kettle.
I hope consumer programmes in Gaza cover this issue, to warn people of
the dangers. The Gaza edition of Watchdog this week should start “We’ve
received several complaints from those of you who bought one of these
toasters from Hamas, and were surprised when it caused your entire
street to explode.”
Benjamin Netanyahu spoke out for child murderers’ civil rights by
informing us the Palestinians deliberately arrange the “telegenically
dead” to be filmed, to attract sympathy. So it seems Hamas stroll round
bomb sites, placing the prettiest corpses on view for film crews,
otherwise we’d all think ‘it doesn’t matter that the Israelis killed
that kid, he was an ugly little bastard anyway’.
Other spokesman have repeated this line, and maybe soon they’ll take it
to the next stage, claiming the Palestinians we see howling with anguish
about their dead children have been trained at a special Hamas acting
school. Directors yell ‘One more rehearsal everyone, now as soon as
we’ve blown up our toaster we want all the cast kneeling and sobbing,
give it everything loves, everything, then we’ll go for a take’.
As the bombing continues I expect we’ll hear more reasons why the
Palestinians are to blame for being bombed. An Israeli minister will say
“These people in Gaza are always complaining that they live in a densely
populated area, so we’re trying to help them out by reducing the
population as much as we can to give them more space. But they’re STILL
not happy. Some people are never satisfied.”
The Israelis insist they give warnings before bombing somewhere, and in
general we all forgive someone bombing a school as long as they let you
know they’re doing it five minutes in advance. Given how crowded the
area is, and the scale of the bombing, any warning might seem fairly
useless unless it gives you instructions on how to fly or escape into
another dimension like Doctor Who, but at least the intention is there.
Now they’re calling up another 16,000 reservists, but if they don’t
think they’re managing to do enough damage already, a better strategy
might be to scrap their F16 bombers that clearly aren’t up to the job,
and replace them with some booby-trapped toasters as apparently they’re
far more effective.
In less enlightened times, those responsible for such murder would be
snarled at in the street and their pictures displayed on newspapers
under inflammatory headlines. But thankfully we’re growing more liberal,
and can only regret that more thought wasn’t given to treating murderers
kindly in the past.
Poor Fred West, for example, instead of barely being given a chance to
make his case, could have sat in TV studios saying “Of course I regret
the deaths of civilians. But you have to understand these people I
murdered could be a bloody nuisance. I was lured into killing them, and
I’m not even sure I did kill them until I’ve carried out my own
investigation. Some of them kill themselves to get sympathy by
booby-trapping their ironing boards you know.”
As times change, maybe Netanyahu and his spokesmen will become even more
forthright, and organise ‘Child Murderer Pride’ in which child murderers
can get together for a procession and carnival, where they can at last
feel safe, and no longer feel looked down on, for carrying out their
basic human right to bomb a school to bits.
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